Break the Bones You Call Your Own
by smaragdbird
Summary: Balthazar didn't want to believe that Castiel would rebell against Heaven but when they dragged him back to Heaven he had no choice but to face the truth about his oldest friend. Castiel/Balthazar slash and violence


Balthazar was one of the angels charged with bringing Castiel back to Heaven.

"He has grown too attached to the human in his charge." Zachariah explained to them. "He has lost his way. It is our duty to bring him back. It is the best for him."

At first Balthazar hadn't been able to believe that Castiel had left the path. He had always been obedient, had been one of the few not questioned for his loyalty after Anna had chosen to abandon their unit and fall. It couldn't be Castiel who had broken through the walls of Hell and retrieved the righteous man from the clutches of Alastair himself.

However Zachariah was their commanding officer and questioning him was unthinkable, so Balthazar went and looked for Castiel.

Castiel fought them.

When Balthazar saw with his own eyes that Castiel ripped his vessel's arm open to draw the banishing sigil on the wall of the warehouse where they had cornered him, he knew that Zachariah had been right: Castiel had lost his way and it was up to Balthazar to bring his friend back to the light.

Castiel kept fighting them even once they had managed to extract him from his vessel. He fought them all the way to Heaven and beyond. Balthazar personally held him down until they could restrain him.

"You have to let me go." Castiel whispered to him. "I need to tell him."

"You've lost your way." Balthazar told him.

"I'm doing what's right." Castiel insisted.

"We follow our orders. We are loyal. We are angels, Castiel." And he leaned closer and whispered desperately. "Please, Cas, please don't make me hurt you."

Zachariah supervised Castiel's confession himself. Balthazar had wanted to leave but their whole unit was made to watch as Zachariah laid open every single one of Castiel's transgressions: questioning of orders, disloyalty, disobeying, consorting with demons, consorting with Fallen, violence against his brothers, murder. Through all of it Castiel kept looking at Balthazar as if he was expecting something from him but Balthazar had no idea what that could be.

"But of course," Zachariah said, "is not all of that his fault. He's misguided, tainted by humanity's flaws and vices. And had too much exposure to Lucifer's vessel, the demon child, the abomination."

Everyone had shuddered when Zachariah mentioned the righteous man's brother.

Zachariah made Castiel kneel and grabbed his head, tilting it back by the hair.

"Michael, "he announced, "would kill him. But I pleaded for mercy for your brother and Michael agreed to spare him against Raphael's wish, if he was shown the error of his ways and repented."

Zachariah let go of Castiel and he slumped forward, hiding his face but Balthazar could tell it wasn't shame but anger. Something stirred inside of him. Castiel had always been the most loyal, the most devoted of them. If he thought something was wrong, then maybe...

Zachariah spoke again and interrupted Balthazar's thoughts.

"He betrayed not me, not Michael but you," Zachariah's gestured encompassed the whole unit. "He fought against you, brought shame over you, murdered one of you. Therefore I let you decide his punishment, everyone of you."

A murmur swept through the unit. This form of punishment hadn't been used since the last time angels had walked the earth, two thousand years ago.

"He can defend himself." Balthazar spoke up suddenly. He felt self-conscious when everyone's eyes, including Castiel's turned to him.

"What did you say?" Zachariah asked. Encouraged Balthazar said more loudly.

"He can defend himself. A sin committed with a clear consciousness is not a sin." That had after all been the reason why Anna had been reborn instead of being cast to Hell.

"Thank you, Balthazar." Zachariah said but he didn't look grateful. "But we are at war with Hell and some things change in a time of war."

"I killed Uriel because i_he/i_ was murdering us. He was in league with the demon Alastair." Castiel yelled suddenly.

"Silence!" Zachariah bellowed but Castiel didn't listen to him.

"I brought Anna back to Heaven. I questioned my orders, I disobeyed them because they would have taken thousands of innocent lives. Lives our father gave them. The Apocalypse is not the answer to their prayers."

Zachariah struck him across the face. "I said silence!"

"The only sin I am truly guilty of is fighting against you."

"See! He does not deny. Go on, then. Punish him."

The angels moved forward as Zachariah stepped aside. Balthazar was swept away with the masses. He saw his brothers and sisters reaching for Castiel, each one lashing out at him with the fury of the betrayed.

When Balthazar reached him eventually he was bleeding and clearly in pain but not broken. His eyes met Balthazar's and Balthazar fell to his knees in front of him. He took Castiel's battered, bleeding face gently between his hands.

"Why, Cas? Why?" He was searching Castiel's eyes for the answer but he couldn't find it.

"I told you why." Castiel replied evenly. "Why won't you help me?"

"Cas, what you are talking about is..."Balthazar shook his head. "I can't let you fall."

He kissed him. A part of him asked for forgiveness with that kiss and another part wanted to remind Castiel what they had, what Castiel was throwing away.

"Please, not you, not you of all of them." Castiel pleaded when Balthazar stood up and raised his fist.

Later, Balthazar understood that this moment had been his ultimate betrayal that had shattered and changed Castiel's trust in him more than faking his death could have ever done. The one time Castiel had asked for his trust, to stand with him, Balthazar had knocked him down.

The kiss meant nothing to Zachariah but everything to Castiel, and Balthazar watched his face fall and he could hear Castiel's soul shatter.

Castiel stayed in the dirt to Balthazar's feet, sobbing and asking for forgiveness.

Zachariah stepped forward, a satisfied smirk on his face and congratulated Balthazar to a job well done.

A mere two weeks later Castiel disobeyed again, fell and was killed by Raphael's hand.

And then brought back to life.

Balthazar began to doubt.


End file.
